underaged thinking

rummage

Fri, 08 Dec 2006 17:48:21 GMT

hehe.. d2 kmi kla gelo..\rummage...
hmmm, malapit n mag 2 kaya dapat eh ng aayos n din aq.. bye!

i want you

Sun, 12 Nov 2006 08:25:25 GMT

hay...
well sembreak's over... its reg week nxt week.
hmm it's time to hit the books again.
hmm... at least i'll be able to see him again... hehe jeez i never thought that im gonna miss him this much...
but then again who would have thought that i would fall for him in the first place...

i don't know but i have to admit that he was able to charm me.... hahaha..
in ways i never thought was possible before.
haha...iam really infatuated with him...

photo grabbing and sound tripping....

Mon, 30 Oct 2006 07:29:51 GMT

hmmm, finally eh tapos na ang sem...
pahinga muna sa tambak na assingments, readings, lab reports at kung ano ano pang ekek...
hay bakasyon grande 'ika nga....
pero inspite ng pressure and tension ng school eh, miss ko n tlg ngaun ang clase.
well kc nmn, where else will you find your friends, your crushes [kelangan tlgng plural hehe]in one place dba? kundi sa school...
you know, choosing between the lesser evil [school vs. boredom!] wekeke...

cge n nga! aaminin ko na! miss ko na din xa! waaaaahhh!

hay...

achooo!

Thu, 19 Oct 2006 11:21:41 GMT

cel: developing a cold, very red computer strained eyes, suffering a headache, pretty exhaused... but happy!

for the nth time, my juke blog doesn't seem to work !

the sem for me is almost done!....

stay tuned for future updates!

selene

Sat, 14 Oct 2006 13:33:32 GMT

waahahaha!!!!
i can't believe this!!!
nooohhh! iam falling wahahahah!! ~~i always was an easy one to fall anyway~~
noooohhh!!!!! *runs around the room screaming!*
well he shall go under the code name mr.beep! [yeah i know its a very creative one...]
hahaha.... darn it.... i fell for his charms! i knew it!

hint number 1: from now on i'll wear pony tails.... hehehe...
hint number 2: i love my pseudonym! selene_cel...

backtrack

Thu, 12 Oct 2006 11:12:02 GMT

hmmm. iam supposed to be studying for my chem 40 practical and theoretical exams tonight... but what am i doing? hmmm, unwinding? wahahaha...

the song "fly me to the moon" has been playing inside my head since i woke up, and the urge to listen to it (actually watch the video sa youtube)is soo strong that it's just soo easy to give in.... wekekeke.. [palusot]

while listening to utada's fly me... well i decided i am brave enough already to loook back at some [actually i went through the whole lot of them]of my "depression mode" entries in my friendster blog.

the "forcefulness" of my entries shocked me. wow, grabe, an lakas pa la tlg ng topak ko nung mga tym na un...

finally iam that stage than some body told me you'll be in when the storms finally over. i mean when you already have a clearer vision of things and when everything is already said and done. so what happens to you when you are already in this "over-and-done" stage? you laugh at your self.

yup. i wanted to laugh at my self... somehow the person that wrote those entries are totally different to the one who is reading them now.

will i erase those entries? hmmm, i decided not to. aside from the fact that i think the entries are abit cute, hmmm, i want them to be a reminder for me. you know. something that can serve as a giudeline. somthing i may want to erad before i decide that i am faling in love again.. hehehe...

pink days

Wed, 11 Oct 2006 10:41:41 GMT

i don't know how to describe today's weather. at one moment it's soooo hot, then later it rains! whew...

huhu... i have soooo many exams, and requirements due next week! waaahhh!

i chose to wear pink today. it's a symbol of strenght and solidarity! waahaha! go batch balag! nwei, kidding aside, i want to look cheerful in the outside since i feel so gloomy inside...

i really dont know why. i mean i have so many things to do, and that leaves me almost no time to relax, let alone wallow in my sorrow.

its the feeling of being neglected that really bugs me... i just feel so unwanted... by whom? by almost everybody.

people who have lots of people worrying about them comlpain of being held on too tight. me? i'd welcome it with open arms.

i'm back to my depression therapy: utada's first love, an anime ep sa youtube, and zagu...haha...

sometimes, i feel like i would make a pretty good actress. i seem ok, content, bubbly, a bit too talkative at times [up to the point that sometimes i can be a bit annoying] i even sport that everything's-a-ok look. iam soo good i think that i can even fool myself into believing that iam really ok.

iam ok, sort of. i mean my acads are "stable" [as usual, a bit demanding, but is still ok nonetheless]it's just, there's just something wrong.

hmmm, probably it's the feeeling of emptiness. that certain feeling that nobody will probably bother to find you if you are lost, worse they won't even notice that you are missing.

i just want to cry, and lean on to some one. who would that be? i don't know.
it' so hard to find some one that will understand. sometimes everybody's so busy with their own matters, others have very cheerful lives that they wouldn't want you to darken their sunny days...

so i just content myself in seeing to it that my friends are happy and ok. i just try to live...

sometimes...

Sun, 08 Oct 2006 07:24:03 GMT

sometimes i am at my brightest when i didn't mean too. and sometimes [actually most of the time] i am my dumbest when i am supposed to be thinking.i mean there are occasions when iam so puzzled about something which seems to be too common place, then i get abit nervous that i might do something stupid or somebody might know that i am entriely clueless... then in a bat of an eyelash... tada! well, the answer blows right in front of my face.

actually sometimes i feel like i am a weighing scale [not poetic enough huh?!?]you see, sometimes iam so calm and composed,then one moment i would feel elated; rise soo high that i feel soo happy, soo in love with [somebody? joke!] life. and then i'll plunge deep into depression and dismay.... growing pains? ,maybe.. maybe not. iam 19 for heaven's sake, i don't think that iam an adolescent struggling to fit in to the real bad world anymore... [then i realized that the struggle to fit into the big bad world never ends even until your 50 or 101.]

so what's my problem?

well it's easier to diagnose a plant's disease than my own signs and symptoms. there's always plenty of resource materials for the green growing things, but then again there are many more for me; and that's whats making things more complicated.

i tried clinging too tightly to other people... ennggg!
i tried fighting for more independence and blaming my parents for my troubles... ennnggg!
i tried being bad, crossing limits.... ennngg!
i tried to hate life, and blame everything on everyone... ennnggg!

i just ended up hurting myself more. losing who i am. losing myself.

sometimes, when search too much for something, the more you are led farther from it, when actually it was just there all the time. often times you don't need to pretend, you should just be yourself, and love yourself for it.

then scales are no longer dipping. equilibrium? maybe. they may still move again, of course they weren't fashioned to be stationary. but its better now. a whole lot better now.

sultry sunday

Sun, 08 Oct 2006 07:02:46 GMT

it's a sunday.... no electricity yet... no pipz in d boarding hauz..
what does that spell?

BOREDOM!

oh well...

well to let time pass, i just devoured (i mean read,why do you really expect me too eat a book? im a book worm mind you, but not a boook eater!!! wekekeke)Victoria Holt's secret for a nightingale (which i borrowed from a boardmate). i could have recognized the author even with out seeing the title page; it was full of holt's trademark arrogant but dashing men, cultured and highly fashionable women, teas and spiced cakes, castles, germany and of course, dazzling romance.

i have read i guess around four of her novels, at first i was smitten. nobody can deny the fact that her stories were really romantic... imagine yourself in a far away land, in an enchated forest filled with beautiful flowers or various hues and wonderful scents, then comes a riding a dashing man in horseback who comes to fetch you and steal your heart.... jeez...
it was, a i had said, sweet at first... but soon after, it gets a little boring, when u realize that not all good men are good looking, and not all girls are pretty [bitter?]and you look for something real, something closer to the truth...

i can recall only the the first holt novel i read. it was a selection in the first reader's digest condensed book that i have read... now i realized that it did not stuck in my mind just because it was reall pretty, it's because the book was memeorable and that i can also recall the rest of the novels [one was by robin cook (the 1st cook novel i have read too)the other was about 3 sisters and their lives as foster children, the other was about war bla bla (i didn't paid much attention on that one)]

the other 2? i can only recall certain scenes, not even the their plots [i have such weird memory you know...i can recall a childhood riddle anytym, but it takes a while for me to figure out what's the name of the person im conversing with]
that's when i remembered a line that i wanted so badly to say to one person i knew before. it's something like "a plot, multi dimensional characters, intricately twisted scenes and happenings are not enough to make a story.sometimes what lies beneath the story is more important than how it is told. words are not enough. description of feelings or an illusion of emotions aren't enough too. it's soul that your lacking, its the heart that is missing, its the part of you that youi want to give and never take back that is missing. it's what you are missing, and that's what i was trying to point out too you sooo very long ago... i just don't know how to tell you... "

afterglow

Thu, 05 Oct 2006 08:16:26 GMT

nope, this isn't about the song that is a mainstay in my friendster "my profile" page [actually its no longer there, i have deleted it... well it was a bit clumsy of me]its about the typhoon and its effects! yes, effects!
for one, geez, just look at the campus, anybody can see that it is no longer photogenic...
no electricity, and no water supply!...

whooosh!

Sun, 24 Sep 2006 05:41:15 GMT

hmm.. i dont know, but something wierd is happening here! i can't view my journal!!! hmm that's weird.
anyway, why is it that most of the guys that i fall for are already taken? that's simply not that fair! argg!.
hay!
oh well..
well its a good thing that this sem is almost done! just a few weeks to go.. hehehe..
till next time!

after 20 long years...

Sun, 10 Sep 2006 08:28:28 GMT

ok, ok, ok, i'm a delinquient, fine, sue me.... hehehe.

things that occupy cel's disfunctional brain now: how to make a 2m (diameter) ball. running out of cash, alkyl halides. el fili... him (geez)and the 2m diameter ball again.

i have been to liliw yesterday, yup, to hang out with vegetable farmers. no kidding!
hmm, it was for my agri 111.
i kinda enjoyed it, even though i slipped so many times because it was soooo slippery (it was drizzling), and the location was almost near the mountain tops, because we (there were 6 of us )commuted. yup. we commuted. our trip was set next saturday, but! it's physics fair (arggg, the 2m ball again) sooo, i guess u pretty much get the picture already.
liliw = footwear. figures?
well actually i was not able to buy anything anyway. (yup, don't have much cash) nd i didn't find anything to my liking,(palusot...hehe)

what else?

i guess i flunked my 2nd chem 40 exam. i haven't studied for it well... i guess i'll just make up for it (as always)

nwei, i got to go..

new accounts, acads, and love.....

Wed, 02 Aug 2006 08:56:17 GMT

yes. a new account. pretty obvious, isnt it?
i want to watch pirates of d carribean, the dead man's chest, but i dont have time (and of course money)
arrgghh!
hmmm, damn week, imagine, its just the first week of august but i feel like its almost the end of the sem! damn hell week, imagine have at least 2 exams EVERYDAY for the whole week, but wait there's more! and have sooooo many exercises, reports and other stuff besides to pass!not mentioning lts...
arrgghhh...
oh well...
hmm,
lovelyf?
hmmm...
another hmmm..
he's fine.. hehehe (cnong he? wekekeke, bka which?!? wekekeke joke)
were fine ...
were friends.
yes friends, its better that way. im not hoping and he's not hurting me.
he's somebody elses but i don't give a d. i just enjoy being with him. period.
so what? i don't ask for anything. so does he.
he's not awaer of it. the better.
i don't want to make that stupid mistakes i did before.
he's just a part of my life; not my life.
i go my way, he goes his own way. fine
if were together. better... hehehe
keyword/s :i enjoy his presence.
that's it. im just having fun. no strings attached.its better that way
if one day something comes up.. well thats fine, but im not thinking of it.
im better if we stay status quo.

nwei i got to go...
hehehe, still have to review for physic3 and chem 40..
ciao!

20 paces

Wed, 02 Aug 2006 08:34:22 GMT

its nice being 20 paces behind.
you're not too near and not too far behind
you can observe without being seen yourself.

at 20 paces im too far to be your shadow
too far
very far

at 20 paces
i can't see your face
i can't read your eyes
i no longer see lies
i no longer see lies

at 20 paces
im relieved
too far to touch you
too far to call
for even though i scream
you can't hear me
even at 20 paces you don't hear me.

i wish i have never crossed the steps before
how i wish i stayed in place
staying at 20 paces
i should have been safe

20 small steps
are all there is between the both of us now
i would have walked million miles
just to be with you before
but now 20 paces is insurmountable

at 20 paces
your just somebody else
a part of the nameless crowd
no longer part of myself
yes, no longer part of myself